6 Reasons The Chronically Ill Should Shun Making Resolutions

Did you recently make resolutions for the New Year?
I’m going to lose that extra weight - I’ll really save some money this year - I’ll give people more grace - I will exercise on a regular schedule - I will start some good habits.

We’ve all been there. And we’ve all faced March 23rd rolling around and feeling like a failure because some of those goals haven’t crossed our mind since December 31st.

The concept of setting resolutions is worthy and helpful for most people. When you are chronically ill, however, resolutions can be wearisome and even scary. Most of the time our bodies and our health, therefore our lives, are out of our control. The effects of chronic pain can be devastating I you dwell on it. Though losing five pounds a month seems reasonable, a prescription of medication can quickly add on the pounds, despite our best dieting efforts. Even small goals seem hopeless.

The best explanations for not meeting our resolutions are quite reasonable.

–> I’m going to exercise more . . . And then the town closes down the only indoor pool for winter construction

–> I’m going to lose some weight . . . But a simple trip over a curb turns into a broken bone and then the doctor puts you on steroids. Soon you just want to maintain your weight and not gain even more.

–> I’m going to save some money . . . But then on top of my illness I got cancer. Along with tests and labs, it’s setting me back thousands of dollars I don’t even have to begin with.

So what do we do? Where do we begin?

First, if you didn’t set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year’s goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You’re likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December’s calendar full of doctor’s appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you’ve managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you’re in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.

Secondly, make some simple changes in your life that you resist calling “resolutions.” Instead of vowing to walk a half a mile each day, consider taking a walk and spending the time praying, appreciating the birds and flowers, or getting to know some of your neighbors. When you choose your snacks, reach for the high fiber, low calorie chips, and resist the temptation to grab the party-size bag of sour cream and onion.

Thirdly, write down what kinds of things you value. Instead of vowing, “I’m going to spend less money,” think about what you really treasure. For example, would you like to go on a missions trip, using your own experience to help others with disabilities? (If so, call Joni and Friends International Disability Center; they often have people with illness go on these trips too.) Rather than listing “get some chronic pain management skills” as a goal, ask around for chronic pain management support groups, counselors, life coaches that specialize in chronic pain, and local hospitals that offer free workshops. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on spa treatments to get some chronic pain treatment. Stick your list on your refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror to be a daily reminder of what you are specifically saving money for.

Fourthly, find a friend who has an illness who will unite in supporting you with your goals and you hers. Stress management helps illness and a healthy friend who says, “Well, you’re never going to lose any weight until you join me at the gym. They have a new boot camp special that would be perfect for you!” will quickly leave you depressed and disheartened. Chronic pain and depression often go hand in hand. Our health is so out of our control that it’s important to have someone who can help you see what goals are reasonable and which ones are a bit irrational under the circumstances.

Fifth, give yourself a break. Depression and chronic pain go together way too often. When you make a decision that is less than ideal, don’t sweat it! Don’t think of it as a failure, but rather just a less than perfect choice you made for that moment. You will have another sixty-something times in the next month to make the correct decision. Start out by just aiming for making the correct one more than half the time. Skipping that shopping spree or avoiding the drive-thru burger place is a step in the right direction.

Lastly, have a fun goal! We easily forget that resolutions don’t all have to be things to do to “fix” us! Decide that once per month you will go see a movie–even all by yourself. Or that you will put lunch with a friend on the calendar for the second Tuesday every month. Remember to reward yourself. When you clean out those dresser drawers, go buy some new pajamas and big fluffy slippers.

By having levelheaded expectations about your goals in addition to some compassionate friends, you’ll likely discover that you are one of the few people who have reached a few of those New Year’s goals. And regardless of how many aspirations you didn’t reach, you will definitely have discovered how to live with more joy. You will feel less guilt about what you’ve not been able to do and instead, appreciate all that you are able to accomplish.

 

About the Author:

Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen, just signup for to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week